the hidden side of me

I wrote this post because penguin asked me to.

2008-01-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

Finally.. After two months of struggle, i proudly announce that I.. *drum rolls* submitted all my university applications!! *dancing in the air* Started my first class for semester 2 today.. stupid mpw. Luckily it's not counted in the cgpa, if not I'm gonna be so dead. today i spent an entire hour adding and dropping subject. am seriously frustrated now.. whoever went to the enrollment hall with me should know the story. ): I shall not bore you with my long-winded version of the chaos caused by my indecisiveness and tendency to follow whatever my friends do. So.. yeah. life's like this. College life is.. not exactly what I hoped it would be. but things are getting better. Fingers crossed.

O.O

2007-12-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Liveliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Social Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Abstractness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Introversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Independence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Tension	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Is this accurate? 0.0 yeah I do like to daydream a lot..

Stupid Penguin

2007-12-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

*Tagged by Penguin*
游戲規則：
Game rules and regulations
被點到名字的要在自己的博客裏寫下自己的答案，然後去掉一個你最不喜歡的問題再补上一個你的問題，仍然組成20個問題，傳給其他8個人，列出其他8個需要回答問題的人的名字，還要到這8個人的博客裏留言通知對方—-你被點名了，被點名者不得拒絕回答問題，完成遊戲的人將會永遠得到大家的祝福。
Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it total 20 questions, then tag to 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she had been tag. Whoever did the tag will have blessing from all.
這8個人要在自己的博客裏註明是從哪裏接到的，並且再傳給其他8個人，讓遊戲繼續下去，不得囘傳。被點到名字的人將會得到大家的祝福，並且所有美好的願望都會在不久的將來實現。
You must link to the one who tag you, then spread it to 8 people, let's the game go on, return the tag to sender is prohibited.
1. 小时候的理想是什么？ What is your dream when you were small?
To grow old with someone I love.

2. 喜欢雨天还是晴天？为什么? You like rainny day or sunny day? Why?
I used to like sunny day cause my mum would refused to fetch me out when it rains. But now I like rainy days cause it washes everything away..

3. 最喜欢的颜色？Which colour you like most?
Pink. (DUH)

4. 如果有机会的话，你最想对你的他(她)说什么？ If you've chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
I'm sorry for the times I have taken you for granted..

5. 你最想去那个地方？为什么？ Where is the place you wanted to go most? Why?
Venice, before it is submerged under water.

6. 最受不了自己那个缺点？Which part of you that you hate most?
Indecisiveness.

7. 如果有不开心事情？你怎么办？ When you encounter a sad moment, what would you do?
Wallow in self-pity for a while and start calling everybody in my contact list. lol.

8. 最害怕失去什么？ What do you scare to loss the most?
I'm scared of losing myself.

9. If you can exchange body with one person for one day, who would it be?
There's this guy I met on the monorail the other day.. He has the most gorgeous eyes. My sis would agree with me. lol.

10. 说去点你名的人的三个优点。 List out 3 good points of the one who tag you.
I) He looks like a penguin. Seriously.
II) He is always free to chat with me in msn. =D
III) He is tall. When i walk beside him I get to stand under the shade.

11. 你希望你的另一半需要具备的条件是什么？ What is the requirements that you wish for your another half?
That despite our differences, we have something in common together. and we must have the same belief, want the same future. we must agree that no matter what happens, we will work out a solution, rather than avoiding the problem or simply giving up.

12. 至今最令你后悔的事是什么？ Till now, what is the moment that you regret most?
I don't think I'm comfortable exposing that for the world to see. Especially not on my blog!

13. 你最讨厌怎样的人？ Which type of person you hate most?
The sort of people who dont walk their talk.

14. 你的志愿是什么？ What is your ambition?
I dont care what occupation i hold in the future as long as it's something i have a passion for.

15. 你认为遇到什么样的事情才会令你觉得人性很黑暗？ What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
Hypocrites.

16. 如果能让你实现一个愿望，会是什么？ If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
That I live with no regrets.

17. 圣诞节快到了，想跟谁庆祝？ Christmas is coming, who would like to celebrate with?
Someone in the future.

18. 觉得人生最重要的事情是什么？ What do you think that is most important in your life?
Happiness.

19. 希望自己在几岁嫁/娶？At what age do you wish to marry?
Hmmm. Before 30? lol

20. What type of person do you trust?
Someone who's reliable.

Finally complete this tag.Now i would like to tag this to：
Ish. Penguin you left me no choice.

The Road Not Taken-Robert Frost

2007-12-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

This poem is one of my favorites back in highschool.

It's the sweetest song I've ever heard. =D

2007-12-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

Just writing to get into the mood of writing. Random post..

2007-12-08T22:41:00.001+08:00

Sometimes grief can do funny things to people. You would wake up in the middle of the night remembering your dreams, thinking that all is well, that everything that you have lost, you lost in the dream, that it has nothing to do with your real life. You woke up with the sweet smell of lollipop taunting your taste buds, the clouds from the clear blue sky tangled in your hair. But then you realized that all is not well, that you have truly lost it all, and your heart sank to a bottomless pit, bringing your soul with it. And you would spend the rest of the day reminiscing about the dream, drifting in and out of reality, in a state of total oblivion. Sometimes you thought that you're finally getting better, and that you just don't care, and nothing can hurt you anymore, just to be defeated by a song you heard on the radio, the silhouette of a person fifty miles away. And the avalanche of feeling would come tumbling down, drowning you, choking you. You feel like you're stranded in Mount Snow, Vermont, surrounded by nothing but whiteness, blurring the horizon, your vision, your sanity. Why didn't grief be more like a can of tuna? Why couldn't we set an expiry date on feelings, or have a kind of handbook that dictates when and what you should feel a certain way? Why couldn't we keep tabs on our feelings, why do we only realized that we're robbed of our self-pride when all is lost?

The things they say about your heart being near your chest, it's all true. If not why do you feel an emptiness in your chest, when you've lost a piece of your heart? Why else do you feel like there's a prisoner imprisoned in your chest, banging on the wall of your chest every second of the day, demanding to be freed? The impulses of pain are sent periodically, intermittently, persistently, to your parietal lobe in the cerebral cortex, while all along smirking at you behind their wicked faces.

For a long time, you live in and out of sanity, a moment having full control of your emotions, and the next, losing it all. Just when you thought that you would live like this for the rest of your life, something amazing happened. One day you woke up realizing that it just doesn't matter anymore, that you have left everything behind. And suddenly all the sleepless nights, the toss and turns in bed, the times you woke up in your bed with your heart racing wildly, the heartache, the hollowness in your heart, all seems distant and far away. You felt as if you have never experienced those feelings before, that the memories of these instances were stashed deep and far in the corner of your brain, or maybe even expunged altogether. And you felt stronger, imperturbable, like you're on top of the world, capable of doing anything. Ah yes, how true is the time-proven saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"! And life goes on, as if nothing had happened, as if there isn't a scar on your heart, as if you hadn't build a steel wall around your now-fragile heart.

Of colleges and applications

2007-12-04T23:02:00.000+08:00

Jeez. I'm stressed. All these college applications are driving me up the hall. @$#%&^*&^%

Actually i don't know what I'm ranting about. Cuz i havent started on anything yet. I dont even know what the essay questions are. *ashamed*

Grumble mumble.

More grumble mumble.

single and lovin' it

2007-11-19T02:12:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i'm saying this i'm totally glad i'm single again. i'm so gonna rock my singlehood and have a freakin' blast. a few days ago i was still in the despondent, tear-stricken, emaciated stage which i so unwittingly but helplessly subjected myself to for the past one and a half months. but now? i'm offering my utmost gratitude to the person who freed me. may you be happy always. lol. i'm lovin' every single second of my life and nothing, NOTHING is gonna snatch my newfound ebullience away. yeap, i'm being complacent now. sue me.

long-awaited post

2007-01-30T10:09:00.000+08:00

it seem that everytime i've something nice to blog on my laptop would try to stop me from posting it. damn! error of all kinds would suddenly popped out of nowhere. Garhhh!!

anywayz. it's gonna be CNY soon. the dreaded CNY, i would say. apart from receiving ang paos and all, i dont see anything exciting about CNY. for one thing, it's always freaking hot hot on CNY, so much so that when an egg drop to the floor and broke, you'd better prepare a fork cause it's omelette time! yeah. it is that hot. i shudder everytime i think of the cleaning+decorating process. tedious and tiring aside, our house would look like a chinese temple after that. so many red. yes, i do have a thing against red. i dont know why, but red is just not my fave color.

not really in the mood to blog right now. my leg is killing me with two days of non-stop shopping. can somebody massage for me? (dont recommend osim/ogawa/gintell tho) *sigh*

change

2007-01-11T22:54:00.001+08:00

I was unsatisfied with my life.
I was bored. Bored of routines, bored of constantly playing by the rules, bored of… being me.

So I look for new ingredients to spice my life up, trying to be fun-loving, trying to be wild and spontaneous. I thought that would solve my problems.

It didn’t.

In fact, it brings more problems, more self-doubts, and more unsatisfaction.

I’m still unsatisfied.
I’m still bored.

Even more so I should say.

It’s time I look back on my past years, analyze my attitude and behaviors and make some serious New Year resolutions. And stick by them, of course.

overly friendly

2007-01-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

Being friendly is a good thing, right?

So is being bubbly, having a sense of humour and active.

BUT sometimes too much of something good can be a bad thing.

People used to say that I’m cocky because I don’t be, like, “buddy-buddy” with anyone that fast or easily. Because I held my head high up when I walk. Because I seldom smile.

So I made an effort to be friendly. I tried cracking jokes every now and then, laughing all the time, being “buddy-buddy” with everyone even after I just know them for a second.

And now apparently I’m being wayyyyyyyyyy too friendly with everyone.

I know, moderation is the key. This is such a cliché. I’m really trying to improve myself, trust me. I’m trying to be friendly without being too friendly, bubbly without appearing playful or immature, active without being too restless.

*sigh* I wish I’ve a guide book in my hand to guide me on how I should behave, what I should say and what I should do.

The bottom line is, I guess I should tone down my wild ways lately. Maybe I should just revert to my old self. The ‘me’ who cocky and not so playful or rebellious. The ‘me’ who play by the rules. The ‘me’ who’s not so westernized or open minded. The ‘me’ who behaves.

P/s. I’m no longer working. So don’t bother visiting me. Don’t ask why.

worklife

2007-01-08T16:23:00.000+08:00

today is my offday. finally!!!! been looking forward to this day. for once i can sleep without worrying whether i'll be late for work, agonizing over what i want to eat for lunch/dinner (parade's food sucks i tell you, except for sushi king of course), constantly being careful so that i wont make mistakes and kena big time later.. phew! planned to relax all day and slack at home. but things dont always go as you plan. the minute i woke up, which is like one something, my mum's voice been buzzing over my ear, telling me to clean my room/eat my brunch/when i wanna perm my hair/tomorrow what shift i got(oh puh-lease.today is my offday and still you wanna talk about work?!?! give me a break). not that i dont like her babblings, i know she's got my best interest at heart, and i do appreciate her reminders cause you know how forgetful i'm.. heh.:)

enough of all that ramblings, in case it gives you all a wrong idea. i actually ENJOY going to work, mind you. my colleagues are nice, my boss is quite leniant (if, i mean, IF we dont make mistakes), the customers are quite ok, not too troublesome at least... and i enjoy doing what i do. i look forward to going to work actually. but not that lunch break, cuz as i mentioned, parade's food really suck big time!!!!!!!

thinking whether i should curl my hair or not. some say, it'll make you look older. DONT!!! some say, go ahead!! it's the hottest hairstyle now. ??? hottest? really? she knows what kind of curls i want meh? lolz. *sigh* i dont wanna ruin my hair, though. anyone know which salon is good?

random thoughts

2007-01-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

i've always thought that the best romance starts from the best friendship. that's why when i befriend a guy, i dont straight away judge him from a future bf kind of view, like some girls do, but rather just trying to get to know him more and you know, see what goes from there. i dont know about you but.. i dont think i know another person in my social circle who share this view with me.. that is, up until today. it's so nice to know that someone out there is having the same opinion with you. you know the feeling.. it's like.. so good to have somebody who understands what you mean. well, my sister do understand this, as we were both trying to get a PBF (platonic boyfriend) before this. but seriously, i think our social environment doesnt allow us to have PBF. if two person of the opposite sex are close, everyone automatically thinks that something is up between them when the truth is they're just best mates. and that everyone sometimes include me, because in here, when a guy is overly friendly with a girl, it usually means something. (note that i wrote usually.) we malaysians are so conservative. cant two person of the opposite sex be best mates? i believe we can. i tried to find one who is supportive and who understand what i want and what i think.. but sadly, i cant find one. feel a bit disappointed but what the hell. what do you expect? for god's sake this is malaysia..

sometimes i think i'm very mentally immature. on the outside, i act like i dont give a damn about what's going around me and i act like i just want to have fun. well, i really do want to have fun.. but sometimes when the circumstances are not right, i've to be serious. i wanted to be that kind of person who can be serious when she wants to and playful when she chooses to. i tried to be. but i guess i still need a lot of work to reach that standard. i truly wish that i can achieved that someday. and be mature. i do.

indecisiveness

2007-01-01T21:57:00.000+08:00

yikes. i'm going to start work tomorrow. and i've yet to decide where i want to work!! *shhhhhhh* nobody's supposed to know, so dont tell my boss k? i'm going to throw a coin now.. so.. see ya!

celebrating christmas is not a tradition in my family

2006-12-24T14:47:00.000+08:00

yeeeeeeuuuurgghhhhh.

am i only the only one drenching in christmas mist in my entire household? why isn't anyone excited about x'mas? why? why???? maybe i have irritated everyone by humming tuneless carols every second i get. but really, christmas is fun!!!! and i lurrrrve the songs. has anyone noticed the cute song on 8tv? the one with childish voice singing "i still want a hula hoop.. please christmas dont be late.." it's cuuuuutttteeeee!!!!!!!! the cartoons look a bit like spongebob square pants.. dont you think it's cute? dont you, dont you? LOLz.

i haven't even start my christmas shopping. and mind you, today is christmas eve! urghhhhh. but considering that my dad's idea of a holiday is to stay at home and admire his collection of chinese tea and teapots and my mum's idea of a hell is too-crowded place and massive traffic congestion, i don't think any of them will fetch me out. yikes. that's the thing when you're 16 and unable to get a driving license. *grumble*

job shopping

2006-12-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

went shopping for... v a c a n c i e s today. heh. :) but... things werent as easy as i thought. *sigh* either the pay is low, or the working hours are too damn long, or all the workers in the shop are non-chinese. how am i supposed to communicate with them? you know how lousy my malay is? *grumble mumble* anyone of you want to hire me with highh salary? muahahahahhaha. i guess not. *slap self* wake up!!!!! gonna look for more tomorroe. wish me luck!

facial? tssk tssk

2006-12-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I said I am going to shop till I drop with my sister today. But I went to a soothys beauty centre and had a facial instead. How I regretted going now. The beautician promised me radiant, glowing skin. Hah! Now my face is “radiant” alright! Red spots all over my face, which is a result of the beautician’s vigorous and ferocious picking, almost in a too-eager kind of way. And when she was finished, she even had a content look on her face, like a mother looking lovingly at her newborn baby. Maybe it was owing to the fact that she was seven-month pregnant. I know this because we made small talk throughout the facial session. AND she plucked my eyebrow too thin. So now, thanks to her, I’ve a perpetually startled look on my face, like I’m always looking at people with wide, surprised eyes. *grumble mumble*

I don’t even want to talk about my face anymore. I sincerely hope that it’ll turn better tomorrow, and it better be because I’m so going to sue the beautician if I’ve scars!!! Actually I don’t understand why picking of acnes is a standard procedure in a facial. I mean, all skin specialists I’ve seen and all the beauty mags advise, no, prohibit us from picking pimples. So why is it done in a facial? Why?? I swear I’m never going to beautician, no matter how many certs she has, no matter how hard they try to convince me, no matter how desperate I am. And I will not pluck one more eyebrow of mine!!!! To tell the truth I actually like my bushy eyebrows. I like the way it is, natural, although shapeless and without an arch.

off i go to sleep now, cause i no longer want to see my red, swollen face. tata!!

i'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!

2006-12-20T21:20:00.000+08:00

…from Singapore. With this, all the trips I planned for this hols is officially over. Phew! Now I can really utilize my hols.

Sorry if I didn’t reply all of your messages. I have completely forgotten that I was going to another country so the transformer thing didn’t even come across my mind. Not only I couldn’t charge my phone, I couldn’t charge my camera too! *sigh* but the phone wasn’t important actually, since it cost rm1 per sms and rm1.50 per minute if I were to call from Singapore to Malaysia. Throughout my stay there, I never once thought that I was in another country. That’s because Singapore is not really different from Malaysia actually, except that it’s cleaner, safer, the things are more expensive, the public transport is much more efficient… okay. It is different. But really, it just looks like an advanced version of KL.

For a shopaholic like me, Singapore is a paradise. (sound so much like a sentence coming out of the essay.) but my brain had to work overtime to convert Singapore dollars back to ringgits. Imagine me trying furiously to multiply $14.90 with 2.371 (the current conversion rate). Luckily I brought my calculator along. I just had to casually fish it out of my handbag. Damn convenient I tell you!! Clever me. Heh.:) the stuff are quite expensive, as expected. I managed to find some stuff I like though. It’s YES! How couldn’t I? hehe. (YES means year end sale for all of you non-shopaholic out there) I just lurrrrrrve orchard road. So many eye candies to look at no matter where you are, surrounded by clothes, shoes and most importantly, SALES!!!!!! the lights at night, shining against the darkness of the sky... makes me feel peaceful and unimpotant. it's like i'm just a tiny creature in the huge and endless universe. love xmas so much, even more than CNY actually. Damn in Christmas mood these few days… maybe it’s the xmas songs, maybe it’s the decoration, or maybe it’s simply the atmosphere. But it has a way of making me feel warm, happy and… I feel like a kid all over again. (I don’t deny that the sales before xmas is one of the things that makes me happy too. *rofl*) eventhough I've never eaten even a slice of turkey on christmas, eventhough i dont get invitations to christmas party, eventhough i dont belong to any church, eventhough my parents dont celebrate christmas, eventhough most of the time i spend my christmas at home watching tv (i love xmas shows ok)... i still love christmas. the chubby santa clause is my favourite, although he's not real.but a girl can dream, right? i like the reindeers, i like the shiny christmas tree, dangling with thousands of decors,i like the pressiessssss(who doesnt?) in the nutshell, i like everything about christmas. *floating up the sky*

one thing i like about spore is the way they line up in the washroom. I know this sound hilarious, but listen to my reason. the way we line up here in our beloved country is that we crowd right outside each toilet, so close that any minute the person inside the cubicle opens the door, the person outside might be knocked unconscious, right? well, the way in spore (as well as hong kong, taiwan and other more..errrr..advanced countries) is that they line up...how to say...kinda like beside..i'll draw it out.

*refer to pic up there*

dont you think this way of lining up is better? i hate it when i line up in front of one cubicle only to find out that the person inside is constipating/fainted/god knows what he/she is doing that everyone around has gone in, came out and washed their hands before i can go in eventhough i came so so so much earlier than them goddamit!!!!

okay, enough of toilet talk. you would think that i would be sick of shopping after weeks of it. but noooooo, i'm going shopping (again) tommorrow with my dearrrrr sis!!! heh.

my christmas wish list:
i. nokia 5300XpressMusic (i love the ad. ya la ya la. i'm know i'm foolish to be influenced by commercial ads, but they did it so good it managed to catch both my attention and my heart)
ii. sony ericsson w710i (ditto)
iii. the end of alice by A.M.Home
iv. a woman in Berlin by anonymous, introduction by anthony beever
v. biotherm line peel
vi. for one more day by mitch albom (the hardback is expensive la. i'm gonna wait for the release of the paperback version)
vii. shu uemura eyelash curler
viii.triumph "brazilian..." (i saw it in spore and fell in love with it. why didnt i buy it? why? why????)

p/s. my new obsession... *drum rolls* MOS burger!!! ever since my sister elaborated (a bit too much i guess) on how yummy it was when she first tasted it in taiwan i've been dying to try it out. no chance in KL. but guess what? i found it in singapore!!! they even have unagi!!!! oOoooOoo.. my favourite!!! (unagi, not the burger)

singledom's qualms

2006-12-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

Just finish watching the O.C. I love the show, but sometimes too much of anything, even something as entertaining as this show, might be bad for you. I wonder if it’s just me, or this show is slowly turning me into a pessimist. I’ve always been a closet optimist. Even though I fear for the worst, but I always have hope deep inside of me. I believed that bad luck is not going to haunt you forever, as long as you do something about it. And I still do. And perhaps, always will. The thing is, each time something bad happens, I’ll try to find something good out of it. Flunked exam? Never mind, it gives you a strong motivation to work harder. Broke up? You can find a better one. That’s how I’m, always trying to look at the bright side. (NOTE: I say I’ll TRY to, but in some circumstances it just doesn’t work that way) but… I don’t know. Lately I’ve a bit on the down side, although my life is pretty good, compared to some. Yes, I’ve a great life, great family, great friends, great everything. But notice the missing element? I lack a great partner. And I don’t mean just any partner. Surrounded by attached friends, sometimes I cant help but wonder what’s wrong with me. I know there’re a thousand of wonderful sides for being a bachelorette, that I only have to care for myself, that I’ve total freedom, that I can flirt with anyone I want. But the thing is, sometimes I just want to have someone to care for, to have someone to tie me up, to flirt with one and only person. Not that I’m in a rush or anything to be freed from singledom, in fact, I love being single. But it’s just a random thought, y’know? Having a suitable partner is like having accessories in your wardrobe. i’ve always thought that a wardrobe is like a person’s life. The undergarments represent the inner self, what you’ve in your brain. The clothes are what are displayed, the side you chose to show to people. The shoes are your experiences, what you’ve gone through in life. The dirt will leave a lasting mark on the shoes, whether you want it or not. They’re your childhood, your experience, things that mould you into what you’re today. These things made up the most of your wardrobe, and yes, you do get a complete look even without the accessories. And yup, you guess it right, what I meant to say is, a great partner is like accessories. They spice up your look, making it better, more special, even though you’ll also do fine without ‘em.

*sigh*

Do I sound pathetic? Maybe I do. My point is, I do get lonesome once in a while. But don’t worry though, I’ll get over it in the twinkle of an eye cause... like PCD say, I don’t need a man to make my life better. I’m responsible for my own life, my own happiness and I’m going to do just that.

p/s. but when the right person comes along, rest assured I wont be hesitant to sacrifice my perfect bachelorettehood. But the ultimate question is, who is the right person? and how exactly is right being defined? a good question, dont ya think?

p/p/s. why is everyone at my age busy looking for a bf/gf, eh? This is the time to enjoy our youth, isn’t it? Once we got married, life will never be the same, as much you want it to be.

p/p/p/s. I’m contradicting.

p/p/p/p/s. I’m addicted to post scripts!! *ROFL*

p/p/p/p/p/s. i think i'm going to kick myself for posting this up. but it's a stage i'm going through, a transition period when i'm young and confused. so i'm not going to let it slip by unrecorded.

i'm my own no.1 fan

2006-12-14T22:19:00.000+08:00

well, not really. but that's what i got when i did the confidence test in cleo just now. apparently i'm happy, ultra confident and believe in myself. uh-huh. i wonder how reliable this test is, considering i often have doubts about myself. and when i say often i mean all the time. one of the questions is, "you're in the restaurant and your meal is served with vegetables instead of the fries you requested(which i never will, cuz it's damn fattening!!!). do you ask the waitress to take it away and bring what you ordered?" I chose "definitely". i mean, i am paying for it. i've got the right to be served the right food! one's got to protect one's right and stand up for oneself, right?

just the other day i encountered a similiar incident. i went to midvalley's domino's pizza with pp, cady and shhhh wei for lunch and ordered the personal combo meal. (i wanted to order the regular at first, but they've eaten earlier on and they're just there to accompany me. such good friends. *grin*) anyway domino's ran out of soups that day, so the waitress offered to exchange the soup with ice-cream. i tried not to be too fussy so i said yes. and then i waited for my meal. and waited. and waited. and waited. AND WAITED but only the ice cream and the pizza came and my iced lemon tea (i strongly detest carbonated drinks..too sweet) disappeared. checked my receipt and found out that the waitress left my drinks out. urghhh. so i waved another waiter over, explained the situation to him, hoping he would be more efficient than the previous waitress. but nooooooo, boy was i wrong. he's as slow, as.. ok, i dont want to scold him, so i shall stop the description. for all i know he might have been on his feet for hours and exhausted to death. i shall try to stand in his shoes and pity him. plus, he's quite cute in a way, although he's a malay. but this did not make me forget the fact that he took ages to understand what i said and took even longer to serve my drinks. sigh. however, the pizza's yummy!!! love domino's more than pizza hut. too bad ipoh doesnt has it. *heave a big sigh* sometimes i wonder whether i'm living in a city or a kampung. i mean, we've only one miserable starbucks outlet, no topshop/romp/zara/GAP/MNG whatsoever. ishhhhhhh. one good thing that comes out of NOT living in a metroplis is that we're free from massive traffic jams. (except on festive season, of course)

sorry i digressed.

the point is, eventhough i look confident to some, deep inside i'm actually a insecure lil gurl, floating in the sea, looking for a sign, a wood for me to hold on to.i know sometimes i seem arrogant and people tend to think i'm overly confident, but isnt cockiness a sign of insecurities?

maybe i should stop all these self-doubt thingies and start believing in myself for real.

p/s: i did another test to find out what sort of person i am and what job suits me. i think every fifth-formers have done this before. truth be told i'm totally lost right now. i couldnt decide on what course i should take. i know maths and sciences are my strongest subjects, but my interest is in arts subjects (at least according to the test). the order of my personality is AES (artistic, enterprising, social). hmmmmm.. i never consider myself as an artistic person, but apparently i'm. does that explain why i change the arrangement and decor in my room every once in a while,why i love to scribble and dribble on my exam paper when there's excess time, why i'm so messy and unorganised(good excuse *rofl*), why i love to bake, why i love to draw since young, why i... maybe i really am an artistic person afterall. as for enterprising, who doesnt love $$? i like being a leader and i like giving orders (no, i'm not a bossy person). and i do love going to parties and socialising!! haha. so that means i should be a art director/PR officer/fashion designer/journalist/graphic designer/creative director? *mum's piercing look* nay. i dont think so. better stick with the sciences or economics. if not my parents wont finance me. yikes.

exhausted

2006-12-14T11:24:00.000+08:00

*massaging my back*

*massaging my leg*

*massaging my shoulder*

i feel like an old hag in her seventies. and it's all because of the trip. for those of you who've absolutely no inkling, it's a genting-kl-sunway, 3days2nights trip, which means i've been spending 3days rushing here and there, screaming my lungs out (genting theme park and sunway lagoon's fault!!!), shopping, talking extremely loudly in bus, laughing even louder, climbing thousand flights of stairs, calling friends and asking frantically, "where the hell are you??? i need the hotel room key!! what? you're still waiting for corkscrew/space shot/pirate ship???", and.. ice skating. and all these combined spell one word a-c-h-e. backache, teethache and buttache(i fell while ice skating.. what to do? i'm a first timer! it's a wonder i'm still in one-piece), handache, legache, chestache(the stupid pirate ship in sunway lah! press till so so so tight. i know it's a safety measure, but didnt they know it's pressing right at a woman's chest and how much it hurts?? )throatache (from screaming too much). heehee. i know a lot of the words aforementioned dont exist, but i just want to emphasize the word "ache".

not that i regret going to the trip though. it's fun, although the consequences are insufferable.

oh yeah, i've decided to label my post with colours.

red - angry
orange - craving for a certain something
yellow - restless
green - low self-esteem
blue - depressed
purple - calm, no feeling
pink - happy
fuchsia - in love
black- mixed feelings
gray - lonely

feeling blue

2006-12-10T13:39:00.000+08:00

this post was meant to be put up before i went to genting, which is when i feel kinda down and all. but for some unknown reason my laptop kept telling me that the page cannot be displayed. pressed again. cannot be displayed. pressed pressed pressed pressed pressed. error 404. dammit. so i'm gonna put it up now, eventhough i no longer feel that way, cause the purpose of blog is to keep a detailed record of your life, thus leading you a step closer to self-discovery right? (craps) but anyway. here's the belated post dated 6th dec 2006.

you say everything is going to be okay.

you say you're fine, i'll be fine, and everyhting is going to turn out fine eventually. yeah, EVENTUALLY. and how do you define 'fine'? it's such an annoying word at times. a person's idea of 'fine' weather might be a clear, cloudless sky but my idea of a 'fine' weather is a shady, cool day. (good for shopping)

i wanted to believe you. i really do. but.. the things going on in my life right now made me lose my faith. i'm beginning to have qualms over the purpose of my existence on earth. combing through my past, i stubled upon uncountable regrets and unresolved issues, things i wish i had never done, words i wish i had never said. living in my past, haunted by guilts, sorrows, envy and loneliness. every self-help book i came across try to imprint a motto into my mind, LIVE IN THE NOW. stop worryin' and start livin', they say. easier said than done, i say. yes, i did mentioned before that every cloud has a silver lining and i'm probably just an ungrateful git hoping that everyone will indulge in my every whim. but.. am i? if somebody were to say that to me now, i would personally tear the silver lining off the damn cloud. *searching for scissors*

"oh come on, it's not the end of the world. you're just experiencing some minor teenage blue," the angel on my right shoulder says.

*snort* "minor? the kid here is suffering. what's use is she's not happy? end it baby," the devil on my left says, as i stare absent-mindedly at the balde on my desk.

my neck hurt from turning my head from left to right repeatedly, trying to make up my mind. maybe if i turn my neck frequently enough, it'll fall off on its own. then i won't have to worry bout anything, which is good, right?

*sigh* i'm scorpio dammit! i should be assertive, not indecisive!!! urghhhh

I. NEED. TO. MAKE. PEACE. WITH. MYSELF.

ME

2006-12-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

As this is my first post, I suppose I should be writing something like” about me”, right? So for the sake of potential readers who have yet to know and meet me in real life, here’s something to enlighten y’all:

I wouldn’t know how to summarize myself in a few words, but I’ll try. I’m bubbly at times, mysterious on others, but most of the time I’m just... myself. Being an indecisive person in nature, I spend a lot of time and waste a hell of a lot of brain cells trying to make up my mind for something as simple as ordering my drink. Or should I say, especially when ordering my food? Cuz I’m very particular bout the food I eat. I would like to think of myself as health-conscious, but I guess others would just see it as choosy. I’m at the borderline of being an introvert and an extrovert, as it depends entirely on my mood. Speaking of which, I’ve terrible mood swings. I also wouldn’t know if I’m a pessimist or an optimist, as that depends on my mood too. Content with what I have, but sometimes the evil voices inside my head tend to be a tad too greedy and demand more. I’m constantly on the go, or should I say that I’m easily bored? That might explains why I’m a good starter but a bad ender. Have a penchant for girly stuff, yet at the same time for manly gadgets. Weird, no? I guess I’ve double personality. Or it’s just my indecisiveness preventing me from deciding which side I would like to be.

Well, don’t form a stereotypical impression of me upon reading my first entry... cuz that’s just a fraction of me and there’s a whole lot more about me for you to discover... so read on and be prepared to leave lots and lots of comments! (the comment-whore in me demanded me to write this :)